Inside This Complex Mind

I’ve been sitting here by my computer, at work, or simply in bed trying to think of something to write for my new novel, Eversoul. I ran into blogging when I was researching ways to inspire new and fresh ideas. I think I’m going to try this out, let some of my readers and future fans see inside whatever fucked up ideas I have spiraling in my mind.

Inside of me I just don’t know what I can do. I hear ads and movies say that “anyone can do anything they set their heart to.” Honestly, right now, I’ve been losing a lot of hope in the dreams I’ve worked so hard to try to fulfill. I gave up on music four years ago thinking that the path I was taking was going to bring me happiness. Think about it, I had job security, insurance, and retirement. The package was great but deep inside me was dying. It was like a festering demon that wanted to just tear my insides out and boil them over a scorching flame. I know suicide crossed my mind a few times during some of the rougher periods, but I would never do that. I feel like there’s more to offer. I’m only 25, and I haven’t even faced the real challenges yet.

Right now, I stock produce all day. Five times a week, sometimes four if I’m lucky. Every day is almost a struggle to try to put a smile on my face when I walk into that place. I see the fake faces that act like they care about you as a person, when actually, they just want you to make their job easier. Even if it means, tearing up your back or dealing with angry customers. I know, I was one of those authority wearing people who kept the associates in line. I also use to pick and choose what tasks I enjoyed doing. After a while, it dawned on me that it’s not a life working 53 hours a week. I hated waking up at 4 am and working till 4 pm. It was almost like slavery and for a wage that can barely get you by. I overdid myself financially with credit cards so now, I’m totally screwed but in all honesty, I’m happy this happened to me. I’m happy I learned this lesson early in life and can pass this on to my future kids. There’s always going to be a new struggle waiting for me.

After I finished Horizon, I think that was my wake up call. It was the answer I needed to have a better life. I may not make bookoo money like some authors. I may not be a superstar in the eyes of people around me, but I am happy to see people who are interested in my ideas.

We’ve all been in that place where we have been lost. We feel deserted. We feel like there’s a group conspiring against us to see us fail instead of succeed. Life has its moments of teaching us how to cope with the negative, but when have we ever looked past that? When have we ever had the worst day of our life, and could see a positive outlook on the day?

I’ve always let those negative feelings bear me down when I lie on the couch and flip through channels. When did we get so consumed in the life that is on the screen and not on our own? Have we come to the cross-road, where Hollywood and corporations have fabricated a perfect life that we should have in our minds?

After studying my past and finding the cause of my problems, I realize that we are obsessed with our belongings. We are obsessed with people seeing the new toy that we have. It’s almost sickening to know that our life has turned into a circus. We have auctioned off what truly matters in our life to corporations, so they can steal our pride and bask in their thievery.

You MUST have people around you that bring joy to your life. You don’t have much time to live. Take a leap of faith and try to build on yourself. Don’t let naysayers pull you down cause hell they’re not you. They don’t have the ability of being the person you could be. You are an inspiration, a hero, and a leader! If I can believe in myself to achieve greatness, you can too. Don’t let one bump pull you back any further. Leap over it and make something of yourself.