You’re probably asking yourself why I’m up so early? Well, this has been racking my mind all night, and I have to get it off my chest. People are confusing and frustrating! I mean, one moment you’re sitting there talking about shows, books, and the day. Then, you’re all of a sudden spiraling in this dead end argument about something ridiculous. Sometimes not having any kind of lead as to why the other person is feeling the way they do. This has happened twice to me in the last week and a half. I just don’t understand it.
Last night, I received a text from a life long friend that asked me when I was going to bring her stuff back. I told her I’d have it to her by Thursday in her mailbox. (The reason I said mailbox is because she told me she didn’t want to see me.) A few hours later, I receive a text that says goodbye, not once, but three times. So I return the message with a simple goodnight. I mean, isn’t that what normal people perceive out of that kind of message? Someone saying a polite goodnight? Well, literally ten minutes after I send this she says, “You can delete my number.”
Okay, here is where I am extremely confused about this conversation. Why is she so angry at me? What have I done to make her feel this way? I know there have been moments, where we have fought. These consisted of HER wanting to see me more, or not understanding why she hasn’t met Nadine in the four years that I’ve been with her. Honestly, I really don’t know. It never crossed my mind because I was too busy working as an Assistant Manager and trying to figure out my own life. This has led to many arguments about me being an asshole, me being a selfish jerk, and me not standing up for myself.
I lost it. I know I’ve been going through a rough patch this last month or two, but I was just done with the bullshit. I send her a pretty profane message back, and I honestly felt great. I all of a sudden felt like everything inside me had lightened up. Is it just me, or are some of the people in our lives the reason we live the way we do? Could having more positive insights and people in my life give me that boost to live and not dwell with regret? I think losing the two or three friends these last few months have made me realize I’m surrounding myself with the wrong people. I’m not giving my soul the right energy to be the person I want to be. Right now, I think blogging is the one aspect of my life that is keeping me alive (Plus, Nadine of course). I know I’ve only started recently but it feels great to be able to lay out the inner secrets that fester inside me.
I’ve enjoyed reading many of the blogs that have popped up in my following this morning with all of the life lessons and experiences. I especially love the blogs that don’t involve people wanting to sell a lesson on HOW TO WRITE A SUCCESSFUL BLOG or HOW TO GET MORE TRAFFIC. I read a blog by rachelderham called Piranhas in the Blogpond, it was a fantastic read! After reading this, I’ve realized if you can’t enjoy writing for yourself, then why is anyone else going to enjoy what you have to tell? Thanks, Rachel! You really have some fantastic insight on life.