I’ve been going through a lot of questions in my head lately. I’ve discussed many of them with a few friends, a blogger or two, and finally Nadine. I did have one friend really tell me what he had to do to be able to get through some of the things that were going through his mind because he is suffering from being bipolar. He’s been diagnosed, and he seems to be just fine when you talk to him in person, but one slight thing could set him off, as he told me. Now, he has discovered a friend that is the one person that he can talk to that will snap him out of it automatically. I thought about this a lot last night before I went to be, and I wondered is there that one person in my life that just steps in to talk to me that was meant to run into me to help me pull through those dark tunnels of my mind. In all truth, I think there is, now that I am starting to experience these feelings more often. As I’ve said in a few recent posts, I can’t talk to anyone sometimes, I can’t talk to my parents, friends, sister, Nadine, or co-workers about it because I don’t want to get some kind of special treatment from them, it just makes it worse. I almost feel like I’m a burden and just want to disappear form their lives.
I recently started talking to someone I barely know, but it’s kind of strange how one conversation with someone you hardly know can really do a lot of good for your spirits. Yesterday was just one of those really sucky days that are almost unbearable to get through. You almost just want to go to sleep halfway into the day and just not wake up till tomorrow. Well, after talking to this person it brought an immense amount of perspective on what am I doing to make myself better. Right now, I’m doing nothing. I’m sitting here thinking I’m invincible and nothing can happen. it’s like I’m living in an utopia within the walls of my house, yet I do know there is something going on deep inside me that I try with all effort to ignore. It has gotten to the point where it is time to speak out to someone and find the help that I may need to get through it. Also, medically there may be something going on with my diet or my lifestyle that is making me have dizziness. There are multiple things that could be causing me to feel this way and I’m trying to diagnose myself by reading articles and reading what people are going through. Maybe it is time to stop being stubborn and at least know what this is.
Thanks to the person that really snapped me out of this last night. 🙂