Thoughts

I was currently sitting here working on a teaser trailer for another author today, and I could not help but think about some of the things in my past. I’m not talking about like what I ate last week, or the events that happened last year. I am talking about the distant past about 10-11 years ago. In high school when I thought that was the make it or break it point of my life. Which college was I going to attend? How imperative it was to make straight A’s? Or these friends I currently have, will they be around in the next ten years?

The funny thing is none of these things really pulled through in my life so far. Friends… gone. College… dropped out. Now, I look at all of the photos and people I knew from high school on facebook and think, Wow! How simple it would be just to say Hey,how’s things been? Haven’t heard from you in years? Want to go have a beer?

Yeah, those kind of thoughts run through my mind, and I can only think how busy we all have become in out twenties to the point we forget. Our memories from when we were 17 or 18 kind of just dissipate into the air, and no longer have any significance in the back of our minds. Until we see pictures from the past. It’s funny how someone who lives thousands or even millions of miles away can have a great impact on a person’s life than the one that is simply a few blocks away. Are we becoming more reliant on the internet to meet our social needs? Or are we simply too shy to dive back into the waters that we were treading through a decade ago.

Honestly, I have lost a lot of friends over the last two-three years. It wasn’t because of them really. We had goals that we wanted to reach NOW! But we forgot about the ones we grew up with. We kind of just see them as tiny grains of sand in a pile. Is it just me or do we sometimes just turn to our past just to see how we are doing? I mean seriously, there are times when I actually research people just to see what they are doing now so I can make sure I am keeping up with my own life.

I know I felt like throughout middle school and high school… Even college I felt like I was sprinting. I didn’t think about anyone around me, much less care what they were doing at the time. Is it when we fall into a deep depression and want to take our own life that we finally realize this life is not just about ME! Honestly, it was for me. It took me almost ten years to realize the “I” and “Me” syndrome would be my ultimate downfall. Yes, I was a selfish person. Yes, I didn’t give people the amount of attention they should’ve received, and yes, it was all about ME.

When I sit here typing about this, the thoughts of who I was keep creeping in. I was consumed by my own pride for a long time. Then, I hit a speed bump and asked for Christ’s help. I didn’t go to my friends from the past, my mentors, or my own family. I went to the one person that I had abandoned for a decade, and you know what that did for me. It healed me from the mental and physical anguish I was going through. It brought me to a place of peace.

I sit here a year later from when I was in the darkest places of my life,and I’ve realized that community is the only way to pull yourself out of your ruts. Yes, life has been a struggle. There have been rough patches where the fear consumed me. At one time, I remained locked away in the dungeons of my own mind, but some how the key was revealed to me. I’m thankful I am still here to write books and show readers the world of my imagination, but I can’t accept all the credit. It was all the people who are currently impacting my life they have given the motivation to keep pressing on. For that I thank all of you.