The Questions That Are Boiling in My Head

I know I have been away for a bit on here. I thought I would give you guys an update. At the current moment, I am working on an award for my blog that I was nominated for, but I can’t seem to get the ten lucky bloggers that I need to nominate. I’ll be working on that and once I have it together it’ll be posted. Football season has started so I’ve been watching my Georgia Bulldogs and Atlanta Falcons bring their A game this last weekend. So I’m stoked for this next weekend when we go up against Cincinnati Bengals.

Work has been rough the last week. Let’s just say I’ve kind of been thrown on some pretty crappy shifts because good people have quit or have been sick, so I’ve pretty much been stuck with the crap shifts. It’s whatever though. I’m use to it. I haven’t gotten much writing done these last few days due to everything that has been going on with work. Hopefully I’ll be able to sit down and do a major writing haul tomorrow on my day off.

At this current moment, I am struggling. I’ve been trying to really keep that a secret, but I am. It’s on every spectrum of finances/job/social. I think that everything that is going on in my life right now is hopefully temporary. Every problem that I am facing right now is stemming from each one of the things I posted. My job status has changed so I’m making less than I use to, but I am happy that I get to write and spend more time with my family. It seems like there is always some kind of sacrifice you have to make with any decision in life. If you are focused on money and success, your social life will suffer. If you are focused on your family and social life, your financial situation may suffer. How do you find the medium to be able to survive though?

I’ve been reading a lot of articles about people who risked everything by leaving their current job and getting away from it all. They took their life in a different direction and let a job that felt almost like a trap for them. I read one today about a woman who worked as an insurance auditor in New York City, and she had many friends and colleagues die when the twin towers came down. She decided to leave her job because of all the heart ache and decided to go skiing. There she met a man and became a ski instructor. From what it sounds like, she is living a happy life at the moment. So my question is, how do people find the courage to do this? Is it at the brink of knowing life is short, or when you mentally just hit the edge of no return?

I don’t think I’ve really reached that point yet, but I know I want something else for myself, but I keep playing it safe. I keep telling myself that i need this job. It’s job security. I always tell myself that how can afford insurance if I don’t have a company helping me with it. I’m so lost right now, but then I watch these people take these risks. Is it because they have nothing to lose? Maybe I should think more like them and live for myself and not for someone else. I try not to be a selfish person, but I think my happiness would be selfish. I think that anything I do right now could cause the life I have already built for myself to crumble. But is that what I need to do to pull through this rut?

Sorry for all the questions. It’s kind of hard to think that I have one life, and I’m living it through work and stress. Everyone says enjoy life and take it in as much as you can because tomorrow could be the day you die. It’s scary to think that we all want to do big things in our lives, but why? My question has always been why do people want to make a name for themselves? Is it for fame, glory, and fortunes? Is it so no one will forget about you when you do pass on? Why do we HAVE to be remembered? Once we’re dead it won’t matter anyways. The fame, the money, and everything we’ve done. We can’t take anything with us, so what’s the point in it all?

I know for me, it’s to hold on to Nadine, and hopefully build some kind of legacy for my children and their children. For me, I could be forgotten, but I want my family’s future to be secure and to have a name follow them, so they can live their dreams.