I’m on Wattpad!

I don’t know if any of you guys have used wattpad, but last night I decided to create an account. I figured it’s about time to let these stories in my filing cabinet roam free even if it is chapter by chapter. When a writer gets to the point in their life, where they just want readers to enjoy what they read and not worry about the financial side of it, that’s when a writer can be happy. I figured it’s time to let you guys see what’s stirring up in this messed up head of mine. Hopefully I’ll catch some of you there because I’m really enjoying this chapter by chapter posting. It really helps my creative process as well as understand what readers want. Thanks again for everyone’s support and can’t wait to see your responses to my stories!

 

https://www.wattpad.com/user/WilliamLloyd7

Who I Was…

I’m not proud of who I was two years ago. I don’t know if I’m resurfacing many of my memories because of recent events over the last few months, or I simply feel like there is a void gradually splitting open more everyday. Either way, I will never go back to that place. Everyday I push more and more to be productive and keep my past behind me. The strange thing is, it somehow finds its way back into my life like a twisted vine tightening its grip around my throat. Where did this all start though? Why do I always have the inkling that I am alone?

I don’t know if it was the constant heartache from being hurt by multiple people. If it was the fact that I felt like I didn’t amount to anything because everything I attempted to build always crumbled. Hell, I don’t even know if it’s the fact that depression still blackens my emotions like thick oil. I will say this though, I overcame a part of me that I thought would always hold a barring on my life. Debts, struggles, and worries were all the issues that built inside me and made me feel like there was no hope left for me. Let me tell you where I was in May last year and why I turned to Christ instead of committing suicide.

I had just left work at 11pm and it was a rough night. I was about to lose my car because I could barely afford the lease. My relationship was rocky because I was struggling with my own fears and doubts about what I could achieve. My life was a mess. I felt like David trying to hide every secret from everyone. I lied to everyone I came in contact with because I did not want them to know that my writing was actually a flop. Yes, my books were not selling and I was about to lose everything. I was scared!

The rain was pattering on my windshield and it was pitch black. I was listening to some rock music and listening to the chaos unfolding in the lyrics. I can’t remember what song I was listening to but I was pissed off. I was angry at God, my parents, my friends, and my life. I convinced myself that ending it that night would be the best course of action. A bullet to my head would be messy, so I figured a peaceful sleep with some drugs would make people bare to see my face in a casket at a funeral. Yes, I was really in the darkest depths of my consciousness convincing myself that death is the way to solve everyone’s problems in my life.

Eventually, my eyes were burning too much for me to continue driving so I pulled over. I turned the ignition off and stared through the sunroof, watching the water puddle on the roof. I reached for my phone and flipped through my contact list and cursed every person that I use to be able to talk to because I knew there was nothing they could say to convince me to stop what I was about to do. Then, there was some friends that I knew who didn’t even want to bother hearing what I had to say because they had their own problems and would simply brush me off like a mosquito.

I don’t know what led me to the moment where I clenched the wheel of my car and screamed out to Jesus for help. This was what I said if I remember correctly:

“Father, why have you done this to me? What am I doing? Who do YOU want ME to be? My life was great and I couldn’t ask for anything more. I lived a life that very few people get to actually experience. I’ve had it all. Why have you decided to lead me on this road? Why have you pulled my friends away and left me here alone? If you are real, why would you let me WANT to kill myself? Please, help me figure out something. There is nothing else for me and I am not going to make it! PLEASE!”

Little did I know a few moments later after really clenching the wheel did I feel chills ripple across my arms and chest. This was no ordinary feeling, it was like someone had wrapped their arms around me and rubbed my skin trying to comfort me. It was an eye opening experience. I took a deep breath and all the worry simply went away. Something inside me had changed and my perspective was gradually altering to wanting to go home and sleep.

A few days later, I went to church for the first time without it being a holiday in almost ten years. I was nervous and scared. I had always heard that church-goers were the most judgmental but after a few weeks of continuously going to church these people were trying to figure out who I was. I ended up going to bible studies with my dad there and even trying to get deeper into my faith after meeting more people there. Then, it all came together for me. I needed a community of people to talk to. I couldn’t handle all these burdens on my own, and God led me to where I needed to be.

It’s hard to believe where I was a year ago and where I am now but putting my faith in Jesus has led me on a road that I never thought would be there. Jesus gave me the strength to take leaps of faiths that I never thought I would have the courage to do. I ended up leaving my job, finishing my novel, starting a business, and accepting a role in a passion play. I’ve met a lot of amazing people along the way, but God filled the void. He has filled the void with people who care. Even as I write this, the tears are dropping from my eyelids because none of this was possible if I didn’t keep my faith in him. Jesus healed, he provided, and he gave me strength again. It’s truly amazing and I can’t stop thanking him.

Let go, Let God. It’s the only philosophy I go by now because even in hard times somehow he has protected me and kept my feet moving forward.

Interview with the Awethors Featuring Jason Greensides

I’m back with another segment of “Interview with the Awethors”. I wanted to take a moment and thank each and every reader that has given each one of these authors, I have had the pleasure of talking to, well deserved attention. Each one of these authors has put immense amounts of hard work, time, and soul into their novels, and it gives me joy to see the comments and likes that each author has received. I applaud you all.

The Distant Sound of Violence cover

Today, I’m here with an author that has relaunched his novel “The Distant Sound of Violence”. It’s a story that makes you fall back into your past and think about those teenage decisions that may still be lingering in your mind today. Please give Jason Greensides a warm welcome!

author headshot photo

Jason Greensides has a degree in Video Production and Film Studies and has made several short films, two of which have been broadcast on television – but writing fiction is his real passion.

He’s interested in ‘outsider’ types, people operating on the edge of society. This inspired him to write his first novel, The Distant Sound of Violence. It’s about a group of kids, one in particular, Nathan Dawes, whose philosophical obsessions and criminal connections have made him an outcast at school.

Jason is now working on his second novel, another coming-of-age mystery, but on coffee breaks he blogs and tweets about writing, and throws in the occasional book

William: In your youth, did you make any questionable decisions that may linger today?

Jason: Not decisions as such. When I was fifteen, though, I had to move to another town from which I’d grown up. Leaving all my friends like that was certainly a significant moment for me, one I’ll never forget and always live with. Some of the things Nathan goes through when he is fifteen, although way more extreme than this, are certainly inspired by this event in my life.

William: I will say reading through your novel, Nathan’s decision were pretty intense at his age. Between Nathan and Ryan, which character do you relate to more?

Jason: I relate to both. Ryan is better adjusted to life – that’s the normal(ish) part of me. Nathan, however, is that ‘outsider’ aspect I’ve always had within me. I’m mixed race, I’m often unsociable, and have spent too much time going from job to job with no real career plan. These are just three ways that, at times, have given me a feeling of alienation.

William: I love books that have an author’s personalities built inside of different characters. What I’ve read so far, you have successfully fulfilled that joy. In the novel, what can you tell readers about the Grove Runners Gang,and is there any significance to the name?

Jason: Apart from its plot significance, the gang were used as a way to highlight the theme of existing ‘outside’ society. Weirdly, however, that the members are part of a gang, to me, ironically gives them some kind of a place in society. In being on the fringes of society, the gang are not separate from it, they affirm it, they define themselves by it whether they know it or not. The name “The Grove Runners” asserts this theoretical idea further. They hang out on Ladbroke Grove, a well-known part of west London near Notting Hill, so again, they are affirming their existence as part of society, not separate from it. They are also used as a comparative device to show how far Nathan falls, a fall which is truly outside mainstream society.

William: You really know how to pack a punch when it comes to highlighting a life outside of society. I want to cut over to a video you posted recently before we continue on about yourself.

William: I can’t describe the emotions that go through any author that receives that proof copy of their novel. I know it was an ecstatic moment for me, and when I see it through another author, it melts my heart for them. In the video, can you describe the feelings that were in you at that moment?

Jason: As you know I filmed this moment in order to put it on YouTube, so to begin with I was more concerned about the technical aspects of having the camera set up right, making sure the lighting was OK, and going over the points I knew I needed to cover, rather than opening the package itself. After a few false starts, I was finally at the point where I could actually open the package from CreateSpace for the first time. Then I was mainly filled with a ludicrous childish excitement. I say “mainly,” as the excitement was only marred by the prospect of the novel looking bad or something being off in the interior – basically the unwelcome prospect of more work ahead. Still, it was a great moment, unlikely to be repeated.

William: “ludicrous childish excitement”, I don’t think anyone could describe it better than you, my friend! Did you happen to receive any “feel good” moments from your beta readers in the weeks before the release? Maybe one that struck you the most?

Jason: When one of them said, “That was better than I was expecting.”

William: While your novel does start in the teenage years of the characters, I want to learn more about you, Jason. How were you brought up and how did that mold you into the man/author you are today?

Jason: When I was a kid I used to love going on adventures in the woods, going on bike rides, and riding that bike hard. I guess at some point there was a part of me that loved taking risks, putting myself on the edge. Crashing into rivers, doing crazy jumps that often ended in injury… That risk-taking certainly comes out in my writing. I’m not about to write something straight forward; I have to push what I think I’m capable of. Also I seem a little schizophrenic. Part of me has a foul mouth and has half my face drooling in the gutter (Nathan’s swearing cat is a reflection of this). The other half has his head in the clouds, loves highbrow art, e.g., literary novels, philosophy, and classical music. My novels are also like this. There are some trashy, guttersnipe aspects to my personality, but conversely, high-blown (and pretentious) literary aspirations, too.

William: I think every author has a little schizophrenia in them. I never really thought of it that way until you brought up both sides of it. I for one, like writing and playing music but the other side would love to sit in a cage with great white sharks surrounding me. A shark tank may not be an ideal place for inspiration but what places do you go to get those creative juices flowing?

Jason: Walking. Anywhere. Or travelling on the tube. The act of walking or the hypnotic lull of a tube journey unsticks my thought processes and are a great way to mull over ideas and workout plot problems.

William: I can’t help but say all your answers so far have been very unique. “hypnotic lull of a tube journey”.You are like a master with words! Before we go, are there any hints of a future release anytime soon?

Jason:  I’m part of the amazing Awethors Facebook group and we are releasing an anthology of short stories later this month. My story, Even Silence has an Echo, is featured. After that they’ll be my second novel due out sometime next year. It’s another literary coming of age mystery about the investigation into a boy’s suicide.

William: I’m looking forward to having the opportunity to pick up another novel next year, Jason. Do you have any shout outs to anyone that has pushed you to this point in your career?

Jason: Wonderful feedback from Nathan Jones and Emma Hensby in the early drafts of The Distant Sound of Violence. And all Awethors for their constant encouragement, advice, and support.

twitter sale copped

Jason’s debut novel, The Distant Sound of Violence, will be on $0.99 / £0.99 Amazon Kindle promotion between Tuesday 29th September and Sun 4th October.

Amazon link for The Distant Sound of Violence mybook.to/TDSOV

Other links:

Website: jasongreensides.com

Facebook: facebook.com/jasongreensidesauthor

Twitter: twitter.com/jasongreensides

Google Plus: plus.google.com/+JasonGreensides

Pinterest: pinterest.com/jasongreensides

Goodreads: goodreads.com/Jason_greensides

Thanks for joining me on another spectacular interview with one of the authors that truly grab the attention of readers from the start. If you are an author interested in joining me the blog series, please send your submissions to: lloyd.jr@aol.com.