The Questions That Are Boiling in My Head

I know I have been away for a bit on here. I thought I would give you guys an update. At the current moment, I am working on an award for my blog that I was nominated for, but I can’t seem to get the ten lucky bloggers that I need to nominate. I’ll be working on that and once I have it together it’ll be posted. Football season has started so I’ve been watching my Georgia Bulldogs and Atlanta Falcons bring their A game this last weekend. So I’m stoked for this next weekend when we go up against Cincinnati Bengals.

Work has been rough the last week. Let’s just say I’ve kind of been thrown on some pretty crappy shifts because good people have quit or have been sick, so I’ve pretty much been stuck with the crap shifts. It’s whatever though. I’m use to it. I haven’t gotten much writing done these last few days due to everything that has been going on with work. Hopefully I’ll be able to sit down and do a major writing haul tomorrow on my day off.

At this current moment, I am struggling. I’ve been trying to really keep that a secret, but I am. It’s on every spectrum of finances/job/social. I think that everything that is going on in my life right now is hopefully temporary. Every problem that I am facing right now is stemming from each one of the things I posted. My job status has changed so I’m making less than I use to, but I am happy that I get to write and spend more time with my family. It seems like there is always some kind of sacrifice you have to make with any decision in life. If you are focused on money and success, your social life will suffer. If you are focused on your family and social life, your financial situation may suffer. How do you find the medium to be able to survive though?

I’ve been reading a lot of articles about people who risked everything by leaving their current job and getting away from it all. They took their life in a different direction and let a job that felt almost like a trap for them. I read one today about a woman who worked as an insurance auditor in New York City, and she had many friends and colleagues die when the twin towers came down. She decided to leave her job because of all the heart ache and decided to go skiing. There she met a man and became a ski instructor. From what it sounds like, she is living a happy life at the moment. So my question is, how do people find the courage to do this? Is it at the brink of knowing life is short, or when you mentally just hit the edge of no return?

I don’t think I’ve really reached that point yet, but I know I want something else for myself, but I keep playing it safe. I keep telling myself that i need this job. It’s job security. I always tell myself that how can afford insurance if I don’t have a company helping me with it. I’m so lost right now, but then I watch these people take these risks. Is it because they have nothing to lose? Maybe I should think more like them and live for myself and not for someone else. I try not to be a selfish person, but I think my happiness would be selfish. I think that anything I do right now could cause the life I have already built for myself to crumble. But is that what I need to do to pull through this rut?

Sorry for all the questions. It’s kind of hard to think that I have one life, and I’m living it through work and stress. Everyone says enjoy life and take it in as much as you can because tomorrow could be the day you die. It’s scary to think that we all want to do big things in our lives, but why? My question has always been why do people want to make a name for themselves? Is it for fame, glory, and fortunes? Is it so no one will forget about you when you do pass on? Why do we HAVE to be remembered? Once we’re dead it won’t matter anyways. The fame, the money, and everything we’ve done. We can’t take anything with us, so what’s the point in it all?

I know for me, it’s to hold on to Nadine, and hopefully build some kind of legacy for my children and their children. For me, I could be forgotten, but I want my family’s future to be secure and to have a name follow them, so they can live their dreams.

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8 thoughts on “The Questions That Are Boiling in My Head

  1. A safe and loving family, and to nurture their growing persons, are the most important legacy for your children. You often see where parents who worked and scrimped hard to provide a better future for their adult children, when they are gone, breeds children who don’t know the value of what their parents have done. They take it for granted and then can’t look after themselves in life.
    I lost a brother at age 45 and a nephew at 17. It taught me to live to be happy now because there really might not be a tomorrow. While we can’t always do the things that make us happy all the time, we should find how to be happy doing what we’re doing. Or if you can’t, do something else.
    Look for the answers and they will find you. Happy trails!

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  2. Maybe go to a technical college to learn a profession. U would still be able to write, but would have a job with better pay and u would like. Always good to continue your education throughout your life.

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  3. I’ve learnt since I’ve been off work that no stress is the most amazing sensation! But, unfortunately, we all have to work eventually because of that annoying financial surviving business. Studying something new may help, or just changing companies while doing the same job. Being stuck in that rut sucks, especially when it feels like something amazing is just around the corner. But perhaps you need to peek around to see that amazing thing.
    Excuse me if that made no sense, I just woke up so a bit out of it!

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      • That’s an awesome idea. I’ve looked at freelance writing as well, but I’m not quite sure where to start. For now I’m happy with my blog and my novel 🙂
        Any particular type of English degree or a straight course?

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  4. I think I just want to get my undergrad in English. I’d like to try and get into some kind of journalism, editing, or possibly publishing. Just so I can have a job and write my novels. Right now, My current job status is hindering me from getting in the writing time.

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  5. First off, thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope that it is helpful to you in a variety of ways!

    Secondly, some jobs are hard. Some people are butt-heads. Life is not fair and I know from experience that we each play a certain part in that. I’ve been through a variety of jobs, part and full-time. Many of them were less than ideal and they helped to spur me on towards other opportunities, whether through furthering my education or diversifying my skills.

    All of which makes me sound like an impressive person. I’m not.

    Sometimes the changes in our lives come at unexpected moments and from unforeseen quarters. Being willing to take a risk gets easier the less happy you are in your current situation. I pray that when the time is right, you will find that you have not only the opportunity and motivation but the courage to make a change.

    Until then, though?

    I believe in the Biblical God. One thing I see throughout Scripture is that what matters is not fame or worldly success or fortune (though of course these things are nice, even while being dangerous!). I believe that to get through a day-to-day grind that is wearing you down, you need to shift your focus. Work is not just about making a paycheck. It’s what we are created to do. We are creatures who crave meaning and what we do with our time is a massive part of that. But this isn’t simply a selfish venture. We are creatures created to work, and to work with one another and for one another. It’s a symbiotic relationship of sorts. When we see ourselves and our work as not *only* about us (and frankly, not even *primarily* about us), it’s a bit easier to quit focusing so much on our own feelings.

    In other words, your work is a blessing & benefit to others. When you focus on that, rather than on all the very real pains and annoyances and frustrations attendant with your work, you will find yourself happier. Your work makes other people’s lives easier. You provide a benefit to them in some way. The ways that you can be a blessing & benefit to others are myriad. The options particular to your skill set and interests will not be. Figuring out how you were created to bless others (beyond your immediate family and the needs you provide for through your paycheck) is a hugely freeing and exciting process.

    The downside is, not all of these options will provide a paycheck. Or benefits. Or notoriety. At least not initially. Perhaps not ever. You might have to continue working a conventional job while developing your passion on the side. But when you begin to see that conventional job as another opportunity to benefit others even as you benefit from the compensation and the ability to develop your other passions, it’s easier.

    Some days more so than others. Some days less so than others.

    Hang in there. I feel your pain. While there isn’t an easy answer, I pray that you’ll find peace in who you are and what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, until the opportunity comes (or you create an opportunity) to do something that matches your created uniqueness better.

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    • Thanks for the very inspirational comment. Never really thought of it that way. I’m going try and see it this way for now on. Maybe I’ll be happier. Hopefully, a new opportunity arises so I can find my meaning. Everything you’ve stated is very true and thank you.

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