Bullying, Really, Dude?

Alright. I just woke up so I’m browsing through some articles in my news feed, and watching the news on television. I’ve come across a number of bullying articles, and I keep pondering the question, why the hell is this still going on?

There are too many cases of teenagers being bullied and taking their own life because they can’t handle the harassment anymore. It extremely saddens me to hear.that a parent says they have talked to their child about the subject, yet the parent bullies others in front of their child. It just makes me wonder if they only talk to their child just to make themselves feel better.

I want to point out that I have never talked about this or let anyone know what happened when I was younger. I remember on multiple occasions I was alone in the bathroom at school and these two guys would come in at the same time I would. They would watch me from the sink on the very end, where they would hang out and just talk trash about administrators and teachers. Well, I usually ended up getting the bulk of the beating whenever they saw me wash my hands.

They would approach me and ask me questions. I was a shy and quiet kid at the time who wanted to avoid confrontation. They asked me if I had ever been beat up? Have I ever been in a fight? Sometimes they asked, if I was too stupid to understand what they were talking about? (This last question was because I had to go to a separate language counselor because I had a hard time pronouncing words properly.) Well, on multiple occasions I was pushed around, and one time I was outnumbered by four guys. They never hit me in the face because they wanted my bruises hidden under my clothes.

I never told anyone about this time of my life for fear that I would be in trouble with them. I only saw one person watch me get beat up and a few minutes later administrators came in to stop it but by then, they had stopped hitting me and the teachers asked all of us questions. I never did snitch on them. I kept it hidden, and I never heard a word from my parents about it because the school system never told them. They didn’t even try to discipline these guys cause there was no proof, but honestly  I should’ve stopped that.

I know that was a long time ago, but the effects it created could be positive, as well as, negative. I just wish I knew it was okay to report people like that, but I was too young to understand there would not be backfire for getting these guys off my back.

Anyone else have to deal with bullies, whether it was you, a friend, or your child? If so, how did you handle it?

 

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20 thoughts on “Bullying, Really, Dude?

  1. Yes, I’ve encountered bullies many times. Ironically, some of the worst bullies are actually girls and even grown up women. There’s nothing quite like encountering a bunch of bullies in their late 50’s and suddenly realizing you’re trapped in a middle school mean girls flashback.

    It seems as if the more we focus on kids and bullying, the worse the adults seem to be behaving. Kids actually learn bullying behavior by example, and in modern times it seems to be getting worse. You see adults bullying each other in politics, churches, the workplace, the media, and naturally kids learn from what they see.

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    • Yeah, I was actually going to bring that up about women being the worst bullies towards each other. I was just waiting for someone else to bring it up. I know politics and even soccer mom’s/sport mom’s bully alot. It’s almost like they say one thing to a mom’s face, then turn around and say irrational things about that person to others. I totally agree though that adults pass down whatever they show in front of their kids.

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  2. I was pretty shy in high school but luckily I ended up being the tallest kid in school, which along with a few tough friends spared me any bullying. One time though in High School there was a kid being bullied very openly in class pretty severely while the teacher was out of the classroom, just really humiliated in front of everybody. I knew at the time that I could have stepped in and stopped the guys doing it. I didn’t say anything though and just watched it happen. Always regretted that.

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    • I’ve been in the same position too. You want to say something, but you don’t want to be the butt of a new bully or you just don’t know what to say. It’s very uncomfortable for everyone in my opinion unless your the bully who doesn’t care at all.

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  3. Thanks for sharing, this is a really tough thing to get out in the open. Bullying is awful and I don’t think it will ever go away, just because of the nature of kids. I’ve heard it can be especially bad in America, in fact I’ve been told stories by people that horrify me about their time in school.

    I was lucky that I never got bullied in school. One girl tried once, but she didn’t realise I didn’t care about my self image like she did. I did get workplace bullying in my first job though. The girls there decided they didn’t like me because of the school I went to. Nothing physical, just ignored me the whole time, made me do all the work and tried to get me fired on four occasions. When I quit the boss asked if the girls had been nasty to me and I said no, which I regret to this day.

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    • Yeah, I think it happens to everyone, even bullies. It’s almost like if we have someone riding us and humiliating is, either we take it out on someone else, report it, or fall silent because we don’t want a nightmare of lashings later.

      I was never really bullied at work. I know of occasions where my higher management has said things that made me feel like dirt and I never spoke up. Now, that I’m not too worried about that place, I am a lot happier because I have new goals that won’t bring me down to their level.

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  4. When I was 6 years old I kept getting physically bullied by another kid the same age.

    I told my parents but they just gave the age old mythical advice: “ignore it”. This strategy never works with bullies. Indeed bullies see this as a win.

    My grandfather who was a Sergeant in World War II happened to be visiting. He was a very kind person and he knew how distressed I was. He took me to one side and taught me how to punch. He told me to punch the kid next time he bullied me, but he said never to punch anyone unless I was attacked first. He also told me not to tell my parents (who were both teachers, not at the same school).

    The next day he came up to me and started on me again. So I punched him and he went down (luckily for him on grass). I can never remember him bullying me ever again.

    So to conclude: ignoring bullies doesn’t work and neither does reporting them. You have to defend YOURSELF.

    I also remember another story when I was about 8 years old. My best friend at the time had brain damage from a car accident. One day we were walking home from school and three boys called him a spastic and mocked him. I said if they ever said that again then they would have me to deal with. They said “You and whose army?”. “I don’t need an army, I will take you all on”.

    They backed down. I always feel to this day that they backed down because deep down they knew they were in the wrong.

    This friend’s mum adored me after that. Everyone knew I has a very kind nature but that I wouldn’t take any crap either.

    I talked of my grandfather from WWII. Interestingly Hitler, the all-time bully, was initially ignored and given what he wanted. This didn’t work. It seems that some people can’t tell the difference between physical violence and self-defence.

    Tell your kids to stand up for themselves.

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    • Yeah, I remember my dad telling me that one time. I think it was just preadvice incase I ran into any problems at school. I don’t know why I didn’t stand up.for myself though. I think the way it was told to us by teachers, if you’re involved in a fight whether your the victim or aggressor, you both receive the same punishment if caught. And I just didn’t want to get in trouble cause I didn’t want my parents thinking they raised a bad kid.

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  5. The other time I was bullied was in an office. I was bullied by this devout Christian called Stephen Chapman from the Cambridge, Cambridgeshire area. The company was Domino Printing UK.

    It deeply affected me. He was a religious bigot. He started bullying me when he saw me meditating outside of work once. I had found a secluded spot at lunchtime to meditate as I was feeling stressed.

    He was friends with Vicki Sanderson from Human Resources. She did nothing. This company is despicable.

    I feel that bullies should be named and shamed.

    I eventually had a major breakdown because of the bullying.

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  6. I am so sorry that happened to you as a child. That is awful. Bullying will continue as long as there are insecure people in this world. And there are a lot.

    I encountered a bully when I was young. I told my older brother about it and he taught me to stand up for myself. Once I did that, and they saw that my brothers were with me, they left me alone. The only time, in my neighborhood, that we included parents or teachers was when someone ended up seriously hurt. But we had a code in our neck of the woods which stated that we stood up for ourselves. I learned that early on.

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  7. First off, I’m very sorry you had to go through that. Second, thank you for sharing your experience.

    I was bullied quite often since kindergarten on through high school. I started wearing glasses in kindergarten and back then they were big, bulky coke-bottle glasses and my lenses were very thick. Kids were ruthless and called me “four eyes” or “bug eyes” I just put my head down and dealt with it.

    As I got older, kids started noticing my last name. I am white. So white I nearly glow in the dark, but I had a hispanic last name (my dad was adopted) and a lot of my hispanic classmates didn’t like that too much. I was a disgrace to their heritage. You know, because I chose my given name and all. I stood my ground with them, got into a lot of verbal fights and somehow managed to talk my way out of it turning physical. However, there was one girl who slapped me. I was talking with a friend and she had three friends with her. She slapped me and my friend turned her back on me. Realizing I had zero support I turned and stormed off as they jeered and snickered calling me names. I proceeded to tear the girls restroom apart in my anger.

    I pretty much dealt with the bullying on my own. Didn’t usually tell anyone about it. Bottled things up inside which is just a terrible thing to do, because after a while all those bottled up emotions bubble to the surface and I would explode with emotion, often it was little things that set me off, but I was uncontrollable and inconsolable. That’s when I started cutting myself. The pain was a very effective release for me, but it’s a very unhealthy habit.

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    • Sorry to hear that. I know one thing that angers me is when I watch videos on YouTube of people being beat up or bullied and all these people do are catch it on video. Then, they have the Damn nerve to post, “this needs to stop” “this is why bullying is wrong.”
      Well if it’s so Damn wrong, why are you condoning it by filming it and not stopping it. That’s what infuriates me because that’s even more humiliating for the person being bullied. It isn’t showing awareness, it’s promoting it. That’s what angers me in social media.
      Sorry for the rant. I just know how I felt and why I kept silent. I don’t suggest silence, but people need to be more open minded, understanding, and caring.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I agree, I can’t stand these damn videos of people getting bullied. They post it as if they are doing the victim some great kindness by spreading it around under the guise of awareness. No one wants to get involved anymore. They want to hide behind their screens and make their internet voice loud while keeping silent in real life.

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  8. I was bullied in school. A lot of it was other girls, but I’d say straight-up misogyny was the worst bully of all. Most of my friends were boys, and a lot of them were redneck boys (we’re South Carolinians). As a bold, outspoken feminist from age 10 or so, I almost invited their taunts and scoffs.

    I think the worst I took was in 8th grade when this creepy kid asked me out and started stalking me. Every boy in my class got huge amusement out of Creepy Kid’s desperation, and my refusal to date him, so they kept egging Creepy Kid to write me love notes and win me over. And they told me that I should just shut up and take it as flattery, that I was just playing ‘hard to get,’ that I should date him because I “can’t do any better,” that not dating him made me a lesbian, and a host of other cruel things for about five months. They started rumors that the Creepy Kid, who was really tech savvy, was gonna hack my computer if I didn’t date him and that he was photoshopping my yearbook pictures onto naked bodies. In hindsight, it’s obvious that they were rumors, but I was really scared at the time. And the guidance counseler didn’t do ANYTHING when I recounted this all to her.

    It calmed down in high school, but I was still met with comments like “you women can’t be president because you have periods,” “you’re just emotional,” “you’re lying about why you dumped that guy,” and a lot of refusal to admit that I could ever be right about anything. Because they’d gang up on me and agree with each other, you could argue that the sky was blue and they’d say it’s green – and win. It was really frustrating but I guess it wasn’t too damaging. The bullying that’s lasted with me most are the taunts from girls about my appearance/vocal performances in chorus/etc. And the worst place I ever worked was a catty sorority of girls who just refused to like me at all.

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  9. Dealing with bullies in school and dealing with them in work are two completely different things in my opinion. When you’re young, you don’t have the emotional or mental skills to deal with it. I had a hard time in high school and as a result I shut down completely and locked myself in my bedroom for a year. I was always far too sensitive for the world. But I believe you can rewrite your own narrative. In my opinion life gets easier the older I get and the more knowledge I accumulate about how to deal with people.

    In the workplace, when your an adult and you have been bullied by a boss or colleague, it may feel as though you’re trapped in that job because of financial reasons, but there are always alternatives remember that you always have a choice – to leave or to stay. If I was being bullied at work I’d leave and file a harassment claim. It’s better to be doing any shitty job than working in a place with mean people.

    About how to deal with bullies – they are often very afraid and do the bullying because they are scared. You need to realise that your much stronger than them and stand up to them.

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  10. I didn’t handle it actually. I just let it be. I don’t know why. One time a boy punched me in the jaw so hard I thought it was broken (it wasn’t). I never knew what to do about it. I wish I would have fought back, although I am sure I would have gotten the worst of it. I was just unsure what to do then.

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  11. I grew up in a generation where bullies were tolerated. They were cruel and unstoppable. The teachers did nothing. I don’t remember anyone being beaten, but there was daily sex assault; grabbing girl’s breasts and imitating well-endowed girls. I got away easy and was called pizza face and asked if I ate hockey pucks for a few years. I have no idea to this day what that meant. I gotta believe in karma and they got what was coming. I moved on.
    Would I confront these guys if I saw them today? I would look then in the eye, they would remember, and be ashamed.

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  12. Pingback: Workplace harrassment is the pits | Kate Turville

  13. Yep. Suffered it until I hit a growth spurt at about 12 or 13. Funny, the bullies started going the other way. I never bullied them in revenge though. At about the same time girls started looking back and well, girls were a lot more fun than those former thugs.
    The terrible experience of being pushed around and felling helpless probably played a big part in the choice of a career. I always felt an obligation to the victims. To do the best I could for them, to make things right for them. And seeing thugs get what was coming to them was an added benefit.
    I use those experiences in my writing. I guess even that is payback too.

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