I have come to the realization that I am being tested. Last year was a great year. I published my first book, made a little money to get some new things, and stepped down from my job to pursue writing. I’ve finally realized that having a part time job and writing is not working out anymore. I can’t take the plunge that I wanted to because I am so deep in debt currently, and I am having troubles with even paying for my insurance, car, and phone. I was offered by a family member recently $3,000, but I turned it down. Is it because of my pride? I don’t think so. I just never really thought I’d be at this point in my life. Let me break it down for you guys real quick. Maybe someone can give me some advice.

I owe:

$308 on my phone before it’s turned back on.

$877 behind on my car payment.

$9,700 owed to student loans.

$2,800 owed in credit cards.

Plus, my mortgage has gone from $540 a month to $740 a month because of property taxes.

Am I concerned about these things? Yes, I am. Do I let them control my life? No I don’t.

Right now, I feel like I am being tested on my faith and my own life. I put a lot of faith in God, but when I get the phone calls and the letters in the mail from debt collectors, I do waver a bit. I am the first one to say that I am not a good Christian. I have done wrong, I have sinned many times, I’ve been envious of others, and I put my wants before my needs. I know there are far more people out there that have a lot worse going on in their life. I pray for those people I know and I don’t know everyday. I pray for myself as well cause I do need help. I do need to find a way to rise up from where I am at.

I work 40 hours a week at my current job, and I do side work to get by. Although I may be worried about these small financial things, I do believe that God will provide. At the end of the month, I still have a roof over my head, transportation to get to work, and food on the table. Yes, some days are scary. Some weeks frighten me.

The only consistent thing in my life has been family, and I finally realized that money was the factor that tore it apart years ago. Do I want that in my life? No. Is that why I turned down the $3,000? Maybe.

When you live a life where everyone is out to take care of themselves, you don’t know what that money will lead to. If I take that money, I would pull myself out of a lot of the debt that I am, plus get back on track with my bills. I just want to earn it though. I want it to be my own money that I busted my butt for. Not someone else’s money so they can come back and hound me for it back. That’s why I say no. I can’t put myself in a position where my family turns against me because of a piece of paper. Sorry, I needed to rant a little.

12 thoughts on “Trials

  1. I fully understand you on this, especially the part about not accepting money from others particularly family members, in my personal experience its a sure fire way to bring about conflict, create enemies and causing one to sin their soul, what I would recommend is fasting for revelations from God, praying and asking for proper guidance when it comes to trusting people because no man’s an island.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Just take it one day at a time, worrying causes anxiety which in turn impacts your health, if there’s anyone around that you can absolutely confide in, talk to that person, open up and you guys can pray together, life wasn’t meant to be easy, gotta overcome the bad in order to fully appreciate the good, if everything in life came easy we’d all be spoiled, useless human beings worse off than we’re already are.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Hards time are usually when we find out of strength we didn’t know we had. An important part of excelling through your trials is to keep imagining yourself as the success you crave. You’re already hardworking and taking risks (two vital keys in life), the rest is all happening for a reason and will make sense when you look back after you’ve already come up. You’ve got the right mind set. But also be wise to the fact that help takes different forms- be aware of your pride and use your sharpest instincts from whom/where you accept it. Sending you positive vibes 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am the same as you – no matter how bad things get, I refuse to take money from someone else. Now that I’m on my own, I am never going back – why would anyone want to?

    However, I think your debt situation is pretty serious and should be tackled with some degree of urgency. First, call your student loan lender as soon as possible and ask for a reduction. If you tell them you’re struggling to make payments, they may cut your debt by a LOT. My coworker is a single father who makes more than enough money and all he had to do was ask Bank of America to help him out a bit. They cut his debt in half without any complaint.

    You may also be able to divert your property taxes to a lump sum every year, rather than paying them in with your mortgage every month, which will reduce your monthly budget (just make sure you’ll have the $1500 come January). And make sure that you’re paying the lowest rate possible instead of the default rate they gave you at closing. This has something to do with getting your deed changed to “primary residence” at the DMV (at least in my state. It may be different in yours, but it could save you $2000 or more a year on your taxes!).

    There are also a few ways you can make a little extra money – submitting short fiction or poetry to paying markets, donating plasma, selling auto club memberships/Mary Kay/those sorts of things, driving for Uber, and doing surveys and other stuff through (this will earn you gift cards, but that can pay for gas, groceries, etc. I like it the best because you actually rack up points pretty quickly and don’t have to sell your basic identity like with InboxDollars). You can also save $50 or more on groceries every month by just following a simple meal plan and going after Publix/BI-LO/whoever’s sales. BOGO is the best. Austin and I spend <$200 on groceries every month to feed ourselves.

    I know it's not much, but I figure I'd give you some more ideas to help with your debt situation that doesn't require working four jobs or borrowing money. There are a few life hacks out there which really help in a pinch.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. hi, i actually enjoy your honesty…you’re not trying to sell something in every post. i believe it’s a waste of time and energy to constantly worry. keeping your thoughts and intentions on a positive track will always lead you in the right direction and you’ll have more energy when you get there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will say putting my problems behind me helps write. I try not to ignore them completely but I’m human like anyone else. Life is not always perfect and rediscovering myself has helped to realize that the world does not revolve around me. I’m just another page on the internet. I appreciate you doing in and your kind words. I’ll swing over to your blog.


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